To feel abandoned by the people you had given your love to freely Or ridiculed by the same people you fought to defend on a daily basis. These feelings of loneliness can only weaken a mans strength and freeze a mans heart into accepting less of the world.
Hurt comes from ones state of happiness, joy and/or comfort. To be drastically removed from a position like that leaves confusion and our natural minds would do everything it could to protect it from being in such place once again.
I have kind of built a legacy of complaining about anything I could. Not that I could help it, I was just more open to what was on my mind than what the normal person is, but all this did, was leave space for heartbreak. I was the subject to verbal abuse, hatred, deception the lot. Funnily enough, the first signs came from my family.
I remember it like it was yesterday; at my aunties house, celebrating her 30th I believe, I was about 8/9 years old.all the adults sat in the living room and as I walked past, I was called in by my aunty, (keep in mind that im in a room full of adults) they had told me to pull my shirt up (After having a long conversation about fat children) I did but being insecure ay that age I sucked my stomach in, but they noticed and told me not to. Imagine a room full of adults (at least 15) all blood relatives of mine, laughing at the way I looked. I had never EVER told this story before, but this was the start of a life full of insecurity.
After a number of years this became what I was used to. constantly bullied in primary school, had few friends and the friends I thought I had would turn on me when others would insult me. This became nothing out of the ordinary.
Fast forward into secondary school (which doesn't seem that long ago) once facial hair began to grow, I figured it was time to make a name for myself. Music has always been something I had loved, but only when I turned 14, was when I chose to take it seriously, this OBVIOUSLY didn't go down well with my African parents, who, like most traditional minded parents, believed there is no future in it. Causing fights between us. Their divorce was the icing on the cake.
At 16 I was told by my biological father to not call him dad anymore. And as he left, I had to grow Up pretty fast. But I had a weak spot for girls, the only people who'd show me some kind of affection, ANY affection would've came from a girl I was with. (You can already tell I was clingy as hell! smh) At least during the first couple of relationships. being told 'I Love You' was like hearing God speak! but this was only leaving room for girls to cheat on me. I've been in 4 "serious" relationships (lasting more than 6 months) and in each one, I had been cheated on. What makes it worse is that I've only broken up with one of them.
So I am a 17yr old, with no dad, no real friends and a cold heart how on earth could it get worse??
Welllll... I was then given the position of..
...actually ill leave this story out.
I will say gossiping is one thing I cannot stand and only makes me a more angry individual.
Well long story short, dad came back but I don't trust him, they both had to accept the fact that music is everything to me. As for girls, well I took a long year out, livin dat celibate life (like a boss).
Now... No Comment :-)
I've lost a lot of friends, in fact I can count the people I trust with one hand (honestly).
The repercussions of my stressing, gets me physically sick, quite often. I became addicted to smoking, a battle that im only just overcoming.
Now that im actually getting somewhere with my music, more and more people try to take advantage, knowing how nice of a guy they THINK I am. But it really doesn't work that way anymore.
I'm only writing a fraction of my life, because anymore would cause trouble.
Happiness is something I've been pursuing my whole life, and I've yet to be successful, but I won't give up, when God decides to take me, I want to proudly say to him, 'I did the best I could.'
