Jus wanna ****

What happens, 

What happens after you’ve been physically drained

Physically starved

Too used to pain

Too used to cold rain

Too comfortable with mediocre 

I guess I just wanna Love with no restrictions

But how can I when I only know rejection

Whether it comes from outside or in

I ain’t trying anymore

I keep saying that and landing in a ditch

So I blind myself

Plucked my eye out so I couldn’t see your soul

So I couldn’t hear your heart cry

to silence my own

I just wanna love

But perceptions were too primitive

For comprehension 

Maybe in younger light I may be able to see better

But will these new sights

Overwhelm me beyond my expectation,

Is it that I must search for the positive in it all 

simply accept these hot coals under my feet as truth

That I myself chose

A truth

That my eye failed to uncover when it was needed most

Im just here trying to make sense of it all

But I feel like that’s costing me my sanity

I feel like knowledge is fucking lonely

We all want to feel love.

Only a few want to know love.

Please explain the difference between Love & God

Too Quick to capitalise that g 

You miss how they capitalise 

On your yearning for knowledge

An infinite prospect 9

Anxious

Swingin’ a miss,

How the fuck did I get here¿

Swinging with no connection,

The dial tone is deafening 

my ear,

but here I am still screaming 

down the line.

If I believed in destiny 

I’d tell you that

you were mine,

but you don’t see it that way

or

You don’t show it that way.

I’m here trying to crack a code 

With a password thats easier than 123

But the doors are sealed shut.

Waiting to create moments

where you briefly peep through the hole,

I’m trying to catch you off guard.

I can’t protect you

but I’d learn  to fly just so I can catch you,

I’d rather die then have em take you.

The toughest battle is within me.

If I’m ready to give up so much, 

Ascend so quick,

Then I gotta prepare for a hard fall.

I feel like a dickhead for not being able

To tell you how I feel,

Maybe It’s because I see more value than jus a beat,

More value than jus what I want or need.

My desires towards you  

frail in comparison 

To my desire to see you win.

So I shut myself out

Just to keep shit running smooth

I cower into space,

coz maybe a touch would be too much.

Maybe too long a hug 

would hold too much weight.

I could jus say I jus wanna fuck

But thats an understatement.

I want to pleasure you,

Or at least try.

In so many more ways than one.

Not for any other reason

Other than you deserve it

& im hungry…

Or thirsty. 

Spoke about how 

You would rather put niggas to the ‘test,’

Well, if there’s a better time to submit my application, 

I guess it would be now.

How can I tell you to use me

& tell you I want to be inside you 

at the same time¿

But 

Whether you want it or not, 

I don’t want much to change between us.

¿