Depression Live (video)

Niggas don't like me coz I'm nomadic
frightening how they don't have it
unlike me they don't go at it
timing is my new fabric
blind me if I'm lying
bar me then I'm silent

then you see a light cruising at an altitude that you can't touch
you can't watch

whining is your new habit but
lighting never reached the cabin
ask if you don't know what I mean

d'you know what I mean¿

funny how the people put it
funny how the people dance dance till they see the cross...

cross if you lose the logic
you walk to slow to manage
your feelings gave you baggage
now you're too deep to hack it

(Trips on the drum mic)
too deep to hack it.

Question....

where's all the love gone¿
where's all the feeling when the meaning gets intoxicated
fake memories
remembering anticipating

you let her in; then that's one more
shit! don't make it bait
just let her wait
let her.

reminiscing is devastating (I can't go back)
if I smell hate I can never take it

don't tell me you don't want me
or was this all a lie
you know my feelings [are]half full
but my mind's empty

I get a meeting half done
then my mind wonders
tell her meet me half one
then I drop at nine

never on time,
nigga I'm past it.

tell me don't fly
maybe you didn't see these wings on my back
how come o one ever sees these wings on my back

if I'm looking to jump I'm gonna jump
they don't tell you fuck al so whats the point
I do my shit coz I don't care
the haters get air
where's the love when they all want you to be someone else

if I'm looking to jump I'm gonna jump
they don't tell you fuck al so whats the point
I do my shit coz I don't care
the haters get air
where's the love when they all want you to be someone else

I Hope

Re-opening old wounds 

When you’ve spent time forgetting about it is the worst

I just want peace of mind,

I just want peace.

I need to be freed from the trap, years of depression has played on my heart

But I can’t fucking do it,

It hurts too much

It hurts way too much

And no one understands.

The story now too broad to tell

The memories entrapped in a crippling fear

Tears run down as I proceed to insert the key to free myself…

I can’t do it.

Why can’t I fucking do it?

It feels as though I’ve tried it all

It feels as though there’s no hope

Or maybe not that there’s no hope

But hope is teasing me

Every single fucking time I get too comfortable

Every single time I get fucking hopeful , even for myself

Life happens, 

Everything falls to shit

I loose sleep

My mind travels to the deepest parts of my insecurities

I feel so lost

But hopeful 

& hopeless

All at the same time

I want to give up every time I get to this point 

Then I go through my ‘positivity routine’

“Maybe this thing will work”

I say to myself 

“Don’t give up this easy man”

But then the second voice is always battling back

Kinda like the little angel & devil on the shoulder, like you’d see in cartoons

This shit’s fucked

But I’m keeping myself in it because I made something for me to live for

I just hope that the desire to stay on top of my passion 

Continues to outmatch my desire to give up.

I Hope.