What’s the point of being happy ¿

Coz the way i see it, people only want you for their own.

I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been called selfish,

when my motive has always been to help.

I can’t count the amount of times, people called me ignorant,

because my focus has shifted from aiding them to reaching out for what i want.

What i need…

Is to be able to look myself in the mirror and say 

I did everything I could to be the best version of me.

Everyone wants this ‘Happy, produce/play for everyone’ Chance…

Whilst I’m here struggling to get people used to saying Chancelvy

It’s like, 
only my talents mattered to you.

You didn’t want to know me,

what stressed me,

why I don’t speak;

you always had reason to tell me I’m wrong.

so what’s the point of being happy

If the decisions I make is only made for your satisfaction.

When 'accountability' is really a report of my endeavors.

How can I want more, when you pull so much out of me.

You lecture me into silence, then complain that i’m silent,

a non ending cycle, that has been eating way at my brain.

at this point it’s not an ear i want, it’s space.

I realize that no one will understand,

even if they tried.

Because patience is not common and i can’t fault anyone for that.

“Positivity & energy” became my two most annoying words, because of course people want to be positive and have good “energy” (Whatever the fuck that means), but people are selfish, even in their generosity.

People give to appease their own agenda,

Everyone want’s a trophy for going through hard times.

I chose to think of me 

& because of that

people tell me I isolate myself, 

people tell me I should go back to God,

Most of all, People tell me I’m wrong…

With no knowledge of who I am,

and how I came to be.

So fuck people.

I give up.

I’m done tryna make everyone happy,

I’m done tryna express myself through conversation.

I already know who’s willing to be there for me, 

so I don’t fear loneliness.

In terms of Spiritually, if you wanna believe all that, thats calm

But Just know that no one else has to.

You should never force your right or wrong opinion on anyone, 

especially if they’re trying to make art,

trying to be creative.

kmt, fuck people.

Suicide isn’t in my vocabulary,

but has been prevalent in my mind for as long as I can remember.

There is no cure…

We just have to deal and keep climbing this high ass mountain.

So If i have to reach the summit on my own, 

then so be it, 

I’d rather die early trying to be happy alone,

then live a whole life trying to please everyone.

If you’re reading this and can relate,

Just know that the only person who’ll understand you

the way YOU want

Isn’t your mum, dad,

your girl/boy,

your church/mosque,

no crystals,

witchcraft,

Not Buddha, Jesus,

no therapist, mentor,

no long time friend…

The only person who’ll understand you best

Is YOU.