I

Years of depression

so i try and guard mine,

i hide fright,

i don’t fight,

i don’t try.

i just want to be understood.

i spent my life as a musical tool,

and quit literally…

church to church, in the background for 15years straight

you’d think i’d be used to people,

you’d think i’d know how to handle a disagreement….

I don’t want to give up on it but it’ssoo hard,

everything is black and white

all i do is hope for someone to understand,

my mind is broken,

my heart in pieces. 

my thoughts gone.

my faith evaporated.

But it’s raining now, it’s time to face what i ran from, 

it’s time to face these challenges.

Situation may not be unique, 

but for me it’s new every time.

i’d rather just make music,

i’d rather disappear and make music

i’d rather make music.

because these words won’t get me home.

this mind won’t get me love.

this mouth won’t be heard.

They say i always play the victim,

I didn’t want to believe that, because

the tears shed at night,

the idea that I’m ruining my own life

because my emotions can’t be controlled

runs clear

and does not stop until i feel love again.

an endless cycle of not being sure…

having to accept other truths just so i won’t be alone

is jarring.

i’d rather make music.

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